I read the following paragraph in the brilliant book “The Te of Piglet” by Benjamin Hoff, this short exert pretty much sums up how my mind used to work, the voices, the constant inner dialog in my head was basically Eeyore. Every waking hour of my day was made negative, with no joy in anything, and everything was just made so much harder, the only form of happiness was my twisted sense of humour finding sarcasm and life’s sufferings funny whilst doing my best to escape into oblivion with several bottles.
“There is something in each of us that wants us to be Unhappy. It creates in our imaginations problems that don’t yet exist-quite often causing them to come true. It exaggerates problems that are already there. It reinforces low self-esteem and lack of respect for others. It destroys pride in workmanship, order, and cleanliness. It turns meetings into Confrontations, expectations into Dread, opportunities into Danger, stepping stones into Stumbling Blocks. It can be seen at work in grimaces and frowns, which pull the muscles of the face forward and down, speeding the aging process. It contaminates the mind behind the face with its negative energy and spreads outward, like a disease. And then it comes back, projected and reflected by other unhappy minds and faces. And on it goes.”
(The Te of Piglet – Benjamin Hoff)
Thankfully now this is no longer my mind, the negative inner dialog has almost gone, and the daily toil has turned into a daily adventure, the twisted sense of humour is still there but now instead of being fuelled by sarcasm and the misery of the world, I now just find everything funny not even taking myself too seriously. All I had to do to achieve this miraculous change was to completely surrender, give up, let go, and follow the AA way. I’m not going to lie and say there are never negative thoughts, they still come, but now they don’t linger or torment me, I just watch them come and go and give them a cheery smile as they dissipate.
As with most things I read, hear, or feel now that remind me of what used to be this paragraph inspired me to translate this into a poem so my odd mind would understand it better.
The Silver Lining
A saboteur within, a puppeteer of frowns,
it strings doubts like marionette controls.
In fertile minds, it plants seeds of woes not sown,
cultivates anxieties yet to be known.
A magnifying glass for flaws, a distorting lens,
it blows small cracks in self-esteem to immense.
Respect withers in its acidic touch,
pride in work crumbles, loved so much.
Meetings morph into battlegrounds of dread,
expectations, once joyous, fill with lead.
Opportunities, vibrant hues of possibility,
turn to menacing shadows, a chilling reality.
Step by careful step, it transforms the path,
stepping stones become treacherous aftermath.
Grimaces etched on faces, a mirrored display,
a symphony of frowns hastens the body's decay.
This mental malady, a contagious blight,
spreads outward in whispers, a darkening night.
Reflected negativity, a twisted embrace,
a never-ending cycle, a haunting chase.
But wait, a whisper, a truth yet untold,
this puppeteer's strings can loosen their hold.
Awareness, a weapon, a shield to fight,
to choose joy's melody, banish the night.
