Lately, life has been tougher for me than it has been in a while. 2024 was a year of significant change. My life began to transform after hitting rock bottom on the 10th of February. From that moment of surrender, good things started to happen. At first, they came slowly. But as I embraced Alcoholics Anonymous, began working with my fantastic sponsor, and made my way through the 12 steps with his support, the pace of positive change quickened. Eventually, good things became part of my daily life.
As my mind cleared and I saw life through a cleaner lens, some challenges became easier to navigate. When your perspective sharpens, you see things as they are, without letting your mind create unnecessary grey areas. With this clarity, I’ve been less prone to stumbling, though obstacles remain. If I let my focus slip, I can still miss them.
Over the past few weeks, around the beginning of January, my mind began to feel chaotic again. Life felt distorted, and things became harder to handle. One day, I found myself putting on my coat, ready to leave the house to buy something that would numb the pain of the moment. But then, I stopped. I paused. I leant on everything the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous had taught me over the past year.
I reached out. I spoke to some friends in recovery, then shared my thoughts with my wife. It became glaringly obvious how destructive that fleeting thought could have been. Acting on it could have destroyed my life again, especially since I’ve run out of second chances with my wife and children.
Reflecting on that moment, I’ve realised how vital the 12 steps are—not just as a guide, but as a lifeline. Without them, I might have fallen for the last time.
Lately, I’ve noticed I’m not the only one struggling. In the AA meetings, many people seem to be sharing similar struggles—a pattern that feels linked to the “January blues.” After the intensity of the festive season, with its challenges, overspending, overeating, and disrupted routines, it’s no surprise that this time of year is hard for many.
To anyone reading this who is part of the AA community and feeling overwhelmed, having thoughts of escape, or even taking steps in that direction—please reach out. Talk to your sponsor, a friend in the rooms, or someone whose number you’ve been meaning to call but haven’t yet.
And to anyone reading this who hasn’t taken that final step of surrender: know that help is available. You can contact AA by calling their free helpline at +44 (0) 800 917 7650 or emailing them at [email protected]. If you’re outside the UK, visit www.aa.org to find local support. Taking this step could be the beginning of a life-changing journey.
Clarity and Courage
February's fall, a shattered, broken state,
Surrender's embrace, a turning point, a fate.
Twelve steps ascended, with a sponsor's gentle guide,
Mind unclouded, shadows softly subside.
Life's tapestry, in vibrant hues displayed,
Grey areas fading, clarity conveyed.
Obstacles looming, no longer veiled in fright,
Confronting challenges, with newfound inner light.
Then January crept in, a chilling, icy breath,
Distorting visions, whispering doubts of death.
A coat in hand, a mission to escape the pain,
Numb the anguish, erase the driving rain.
But wait. A pause. The steps, a guiding hand,
"Reach out," they whispered, "across the troubled land."
Friends, wife, their voices, a chorus strong and clear,
"You're not alone," dispelling every fear.
The coat remained, the mission left undone,
The precipice averted, victory won.
Twelve steps, a lifeline, a beacon in the night,
Guarding against the darkness, restoring inner light.
