This week has been a profound period of self-discovery, a startling revelation of a character flaw that, in retrospect, was glaringly obvious. It was the metaphorical elephant in the room, a presence I consistently chose to ignore, despite its disruptive and upsetting tendencies. It was the subtle, yet persistent, way I’d inadvertently step on toes, break things, and generally create discord, all while remaining blissfully, or perhaps wilfully, unaware.
In my past life, even if sobriety had granted me a fleeting glimpse of these shortcomings and their impact on others, I would have remained stubbornly entrenched in denial. Confronting and addressing these flaws was simply not on my agenda. But now, a remarkable transformation has taken place. The moment a new insight surfaces, the instant I recognise a previously unseen aspect of myself, I am compelled to act. The foundation for this change lies in the diligent work I’ve undertaken in Alcoholics Anonymous: the rigorous examination of the 12 Steps, the shared wisdom of meetings, and the daily practice of seeking guidance from my Higher Power, my God. Now, I readily acknowledge these flaws and possess the tools to manage them.
This newfound awareness demands action. I begin by pausing, meditating on the insight, and surrendering it to my Higher Power, seeking divine guidance on the appropriate thoughts and actions. I reflect on how this flaw has affected others, and then I apply the wisdom I’ve received. Crucially, thanks to AA and the steps, I now maintain constant vigilance over my actions. When I sense the resurgence of this newly discovered flaw, I pause, seek clarity, and choose a different path.
The past two days have been a testament to the efficacy of this approach. Having confronted this previously hidden flaw, I’ve been diligently monitoring its manifestations. Alongside this revelation, a series of seemingly serendipitous events have unfolded. My eyes, now open, have noticed subtle cues and opportunities that would have previously escaped my attention. One such event was the discovery of “Taking the Leap” by Pema Chödrön, a book I randomly selected from a charity book area during a day out with my wife. As I read, I was struck by its resonance with my week’s theme: liberating oneself from ingrained habits and overcoming fear. I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Throughout the week, my Higher Power has provided a series of subtle “breadcrumbs,” each a “did that just happen?” moment. These lessons culminated in a final test, a challenge designed to assess my attentiveness. This challenge had the potential to ignite a major resentment, a trigger that, in the past, would have led to a descent into oblivion. However, drawing upon the week’s insights, the wisdom gleaned from the book, and the principles of AA and the 12 Steps, I navigated the situation with newfound grace. The resentment dissipated, and I found peace, which in turn fostered harmony with those around me.
Looking back, it’s astonishing how dramatically my life has transformed. It feels like a completely different existence. I used to live in a constant state of chaos and self-destruction, driven by alcohol and a deep-seated resistance to change. The turning point was a complete surrender, a full acceptance that I couldn’t manage life on my own. Coupled with that, was the decision to stop drinking. Simply stopping drinking, and surrendering, allowed the space for me to see the world, and myself, in a completely new light. The changes didn’t happen overnight, but they happened consistently, and slowly built on each other. The ability to admit my flaws, to seek help, and to embrace a spiritual path has been the key to unlocking a life of peace and purpose. The old me, the one who lived in denial and self-destruction, seems like a distant memory. I’m grateful for the journey, for the lessons learned, and for the opportunity to live a life of authenticity and serenity.
Oh That Elephant!
The elephant, unseen, yet crushing,
a truth veiled in wilful deflection.
Footfalls of ego, a clumsy dance,
disrupting the still pond’s reflection.
Before, the flaw, a phantom limb,
felt, but denied, a shadow’s claim.
Now, the mirror reflects, unblinking,
a name whispered, a burning flame.
Action, not thought, the bridge’s span,
pause, surrender, the breath released.
Higher Power’s whisper, a gentle hand,
in the heart’s quiet, a sacred feast.
"Taking the Leap," a chance-met guide,
fear’s grip loosened, old habits fade.
Breadcrumbs scattered, a path revealed,
in the mundane, the divine cascade.
The final test, a storm’s dark threat,
resentment’s tendrils, reaching deep.
Yet, the steps learned, a steady hand,
harmony restored, the soul’s sweet sleep.
Surrender, the key, the lock undone,
alcohol’s chains, forever cast aside.
A different life, a whispered dawn,
where the true self, begins to abide.
Chaos to calm, a river’s flow,
from self-made prison, to boundless space.
Admit the flaw, let wisdom grow,
in emptiness found, grace’s embrace.
The old self fades, a memory’s mist,
the new emerges, gentle and slow.
In the heart’s stillness, truth is kissed,
My life’s quiet seed, begins to grow.
