As you may recall from my previous post, “Everything is so Shiny,” I used to dread being alone with my thoughts. My mind was a relentless critic, constantly finding fault in everything I had done and overthinking every little task to the point where even the simplest things seemed insurmountable. This constant mental torment made solitude a nightmare. However, a significant shift occurred after a day of total surrender. Through gradual growth in my journey and the deepening relationship with my higher power, my time alone with my mind has undergone a fundamental transformation.
The discovery of meditation has played a pivotal role in this change. Slowly learning to be fully present in each moment, I’ve found that my mind no longer holds the same power over me. Negativity, when it arises, drifts away or is promptly addressed and let go of. Sitting in meditation, I observe my mind creating thoughts, ideas, worries, remorse, and fear about past events or even recent occurrences. This practice has revealed something profound: by striving to be fully present in everything I do, I now have a nearly accurate account of events in my mind. I remember how I felt, what was said, who was there, and how they reacted—the true facts.
This realization led me to an important insight: the story in my head is probably only about 50% truth. The rest is my mind filling in gaps like a bad, angry film director who has only ever created horror movies or dark, depressing art festival films. This director tries to craft an epic drama out of a script that, in reality, is quite ordinary and mundane.
The fundamental change for me was appointing a new director—my higher power. This new director keeps me present, keeps me true to character, and gives me the time and space to honestly reflect on my performance in my story.
Reflecting on this transformation, I realize how crucial it is to have a guiding force that encourages mindfulness and presence. My higher power has become a source of inner peace, helping me navigate through life with a clearer, more honest perspective. The journey of learning to quiet my mind and embrace the present moment has been challenging yet immensely rewarding. It has allowed me to see my life and experiences more truthfully, freeing me from the distortions my mind once created. This ongoing process of self-discovery and growth underscores the importance of surrender, mindfulness, and the profound impact of a supportive higher power.
Inner Director
Once, solitude was a barren wasteland,
a mind aflame with self-doubt's wildfire.
Each thought, a critic's sharpened blade,
slashing at peace with relentless ire.
But in surrender's quietude, a seed was sown,
a tender hope in fertile ground.
Meditation's gentle rain began to flow,
and with it, wisdom profound.
Now, thoughts are clouds drifting by,
observed with curious, detached eye.
A silent witness to mind's ballet,
where truth and fiction interlay.
A director once held shadows dear,
crafting dramas of despair and fear.
But a new hand guides the stage,
offering grace in every age.
With presence as the guiding light,
I navigate life's winding flight.
A journey inward, deep and slow,
where healing blossoms, spirit grows.
