There’s a place where I now sit at lunch when the weather permits, in a garden at the old school house, this place is now very special to me because in the small room in that building I started my journey finding out who I truly am. Before setting off one small step at a time on this quest of self-discovery and freedom, the feeling I constantly had, was me being a square peg and life, everything, and everybody, was a round hole, never fitting in, never feeling like I was right. To make myself right, and fit in was a constant battle of lies, diversion, and hiding, that drove me crazy, causing depression, anxiety, and ultimately me trying to escape in any way I could, usually to the bottom of a bottle, then once in a state of blackout on to doing more things that fed the hatred for myself, this vicious downward spiral then continued for way too long.
I wasted so much of my life, not being me.
100 day’s into my expedition sitting on my own in the garden, there is now a very strong feeling of belonging, inner peace, happiness, and courage, fitting in doesn’t actually matter anymore, if people don’t like me being who I’m being then that’s for them to deal with, all that is needed for me to stay happy is to be a good person, always care, love as much as I can, be honest, and keep on my journey of self-discovery, by doing these things, the people who matter will stay, the people who I care for and love will see and feel the difference, and the new people that come into my live will know a better me.
The old schoolhouse whispers secrets in the breeze,
a garden sanctuary where the souls is at ease.
Here, in this haven etched with youthful days,
I found the key that unlocked life's maze.
Once, a square peg hammering at a round hole,
desperation's song took its cruel toll.
Lies, masks, and shadows, a soul in despair,
trapped in the noose of a bottle's cold snare.
Years bled together, a wasted expanse,
a stranger to myself in a sorrowful dance.
But 100 days in, a fragile peace bloomed,
seeds of self-love in fertile ground boomed.
Belonging, a whisper, a newfound embrace,
fitting in fades, with a smile on my face.
Let them scoff, let them turn, their judgment unfelt,
for authenticity's flame burns bright as it's dealt.
Kindness, compassion, a beacon so true,
honesty's compass guiding me through.
The journey unfolds, a path yet unknown,
but the courage to be me, that's finally my own.
Those who matter will find solace in light,
the real me they'll see, bathed in honesty's might.
New connections will bloom, on this path I now tread,
a life well-lived, leaving regret for the dead.
