Over the last few months, I have been reflecting on my life before and after starting my journey with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Just six months ago, my life was vastly different. Back then, I didn’t truly enjoy much, and what I thought I enjoyed wasn’t really me having fun; it was more me escaping life. My main pastime was drinking, but I did other things while consuming excessive amounts of alcohol. These included gardening because it needed to be done, working because my family needed the money, and sitting in the car in remote locations, fooling myself into thinking I was watching nature. In reality, I was drinking secretly, feeling sorry for myself, and avoiding going home, back to work, or even facing the next thing I had to do. I did participate in some ordinary activities like spending time with my family, going on days out, socializing, and watching TV, films, and documentaries about space and nature, but these activities always included several beverages.
Over the last few months, as my head has become clearer, I have been experiencing so much joy and happiness from doing things, some that I already did, and some I wouldn’t have even thought I’d do, let alone enjoy. Let’s revisit the list from the past for a quick comparison. Gardening has transformed into tending the garden, which I now do because it makes me feel close to my higher power, relaxed, and recharged. My work has become a source of enjoyment as I love helping people, creating, and being respected as part of the team. I no longer sit in the car, but I still visit some of the same places. Now, I get out and walk or get my camping chair out, find a quiet spot, and meditate.
There are also new activities I really enjoy doing. Reading, which used to be challenging because I couldn’t concentrate for more than five minutes, now relaxes me, and I feel a sense of achievement after an hour or so of studying. Spending time with my family has become deeply fulfilling, and likely as a side effect of my goal to be fully present at all times, my relationships with my dad, my wife, and my children have become amazing; I was missing so much before. Writing and poetry are now passions of mine, even though I have dyslexia. Before starting my AA journey, writing was a major fear, and I did as little of it as possible, always looking for shortcuts or delegating written work. Now, I enjoy writing down my thoughts, helping to write bids or new policies at work, and even composing poetry. My head actually loves being challenged by finding something that rhymes with “orange.”
The most baffling thing I now enjoy is just sitting and doing nothing, well, meditating. If you had asked me to do this several months ago, I would have laughed and said, “Tried that, my mind doesn’t let me.” My overactive ADHD mind would never let me just sit and be. Within seconds of stopping (or stopping drinking), my mind would jump into action, tormenting me, creating fear and remorse, and overthinking everything, making even the simplest tasks impossible. Now, with a clearer mind and conscience, learning to meditate and talk to my higher power has become one of my favourite pastimes. I’m even a little disappointed if it’s raining and I can’t sit in the church gardens at lunch and do nothing (meditate 😁).
Reflecting on these changes, it’s clear that AA has worked miracles in transforming my outlook on life. The support, structure, and sense of community within AA have been pivotal in my journey toward sobriety and self-discovery. My life has become richer, more meaningful, and infinitely more fulfilling. The activities I once did out of necessity or as a means of escape have become sources of genuine joy and personal growth. My relationships have deepened, my mind has cleared, and I have discovered new passions and interests. AA has truly changed my life, and I am profoundly grateful for the clarity, peace, and happiness it has brought into my daily existence.
From Shadows to Sunlight
Six months a chasm, deep and dark,
Where shadows danced and spirits harked.
A life encased in alcohol's hold,
A hollow shell, a story cold.
Gardening, work, and car's retreat,
A masquerade, a bitter defeat.
Nature's guise, a drinking lair,
Self-pity's fog, a soul laid bare.
Family, friends, and mindless screen,
A backdrop to a drowning scene.
Alcohol's grip, a constant friend,
A vicious cycle without end.
Now, dawn breaks through, a hopeful light,
A clearer mind, a soul upright.
Garden tended, heart finds peace,
Work, a challenge, where passions increase.
No longer lost in car's confine,
Nature's beauty, truly mine.
Meditation's calm, a sacred space,
A quiet mind, a steady pace.
Words once feared, now freely flow,
A writer's joy, a steady grow.
Family bonds, a precious art,
A healed connection, a brand new start.
The miracle of AA's grace,
A life transformed, a joyful pace.
From shadows deep to sunlight's gleam,
A newfound self, a cherished dream.
