Last night, I found myself feeling a bit disconnected. It was the first time in weeks that I’d felt this way, and it caught me off guard. Over the past seven months, since I stopped using alcohol and other substances, the feeling that I’m alone and must deal with my negative thoughts has almost disappeared. These thoughts only seem to come up when life feels especially overwhelming, which, thankfully, doesn’t happen often anymore. Living one day at a time has been incredibly helpful in keeping those moments at bay.
As my mind started to drift into negativity, I realized something powerful: I could see it happening. I was able to take a step back and watch my thoughts rather than letting them take over. This was a huge shift for me. In the past, I would have been consumed by those feelings of isolation and self-pity. But last night, I observed my mind from a distance and recognized that these thoughts were just that—thoughts. They didn’t define me, and they didn’t have to control me.
Another thing that helped was reflecting on how things used to be. I remembered how, in the past, I would let people, places, and situations overwhelm me, feeding my mind with negativity. I would sit alone, imagining every worst-case scenario, fabricating problems that didn’t even exist. Looking back on that now, it seems crazy how much I let my mind run wild. But glancing at the past without dwelling on it helped me see how far I’ve come. I used to run away—physically and mentally—using alcohol or other substances to escape a world that my mind had made up.
After some time meditating last night, I was able to pinpoint the primary reason for my disconnection. Instead of letting it linger, I used the tools I’ve learned in AA to deal with it. I took a moment to reflect on my day, looking at my part in it and considering what I could have done better. Then, I reached out to a few people, not to vent or seek validation, but just to ask how they were. If they asked about me, I answered honestly, but I also acknowledged that I felt much better after taking these steps.
By the time I went to bed, my head was almost clear. I woke up this morning feeling positive and ready to take on the day. This experience reminded me how far I’ve come, and how the tools I’ve learned allow me to handle life’s challenges in a much healthier way.
Restored
Last night, a whisper of loneliness crept in,
a familiar guest from a time I’d left behind.
A fleeting moment of doubt, a subtle sting,
a reminder of the pain that once did cling.
But now, with newfound strength and clarity,
I watch these thoughts, detached and free.
No longer consumed by fear or shame,
I face the darkness, unafraid of the game.
I recall the days when darkness reigned supreme,
when alcohol and substances were my only theme.
Escaping reality, a desperate plea,
to drown my sorrows, my spirit in malady.
But now, I’ve found a different path to tread,
a road to healing, where hope is bred.
One day at a time, I face the unknown,
no longer inside, lost and alone.
I reach out to others, share affection,
finding solace in human connection.
Together, we weather life’s storms,
united by strength, our spirits reform.
