After my experience the other day, where I did the complete opposite of what my mind and self-will were urging me to do, I realised something profound: a day that I would have hated in the past turned into one of the most amazing days I’ve had in a long time. It got me thinking about how much my life has transformed in such a short period. And the truth is, all I really did was surrender. I admitted that I’m powerless over alcohol, stopped drinking, took an honest look at my role in my past and present life, and, perhaps most importantly, started truly participating in the real world.
It sounds simple when I put it like that, but the change this has sparked in me is nothing short of life-altering. Before, I was trapped in my own destructive patterns—my mind would push me toward isolation, avoidance, and self-pity, and my self-will drove me to try and control everything, only to make matters worse. But now, with a new mindset, I find myself open, receptive, and willing to try something different. This surrender, this letting go of control, has been the key to unlocking a new way of living.
I won’t pretend that it’s been easy; there have been tough moments, times where I’ve faced challenges that I didn’t think I could handle. But what’s different now is that I’m not facing them alone. From the moment I walked into the rooms of AA, I was welcomed with open arms. I received phone numbers from fellow members who didn’t judge me or expect anything from me—they simply wanted to help. And what I’ve learned is that they help, not because they have to, but because they know how transformative it is to recover. Their only hope is that, one day, I will pass it on and help another alcoholic the way they’ve helped me.
This brings me back to the idea of taking part. Over the past few months, I’ve participated in life more willingly and consistently than I ever have before, and it’s been an incredible experience. I never thought I’d find joy or meaning in simply showing up and being present, but I have. In fact, it’s become almost addictive in a positive way. Every time I step out of my comfort zone and experience something new or rewarding, I feel this surge of energy within me, as if I’m being recharged. And when I encounter something difficult—emotionally or otherwise—it’s tough in the moment, but once I make it through, I feel a deep sense of accomplishment. It’s like I’m being guided, supported by the people who genuinely care about me, people who have helped me through these hard times with love and understanding.
And so, it snowballed from there. I started to take part, and the more I did, the more I wanted to. It’s become second nature now. Not participating no longer feels like an option. This shift in mindset has changed not just how I see the world, but how I exist in it.
One of the most surprising things that happens when you really start to engage with life is that you begin to notice the little details—the subtle joys and signs of beauty that were probably always there, but I was too wrapped up in my own chaos to see them. These small things have started to add up in a big way. I’m no longer rushing past moments or running away from life; I’m savouring it. I notice the kindness in others, the beauty in a simple sunset, the warmth in a smile from a stranger. It’s these little things that now fill my days with meaning and depth.
This new way of living has not only changed my days, but it’s changed me at my core. I’ve shifted from being someone who avoided life to someone who actively seeks out new experiences, challenges, and connections. And as much as I had to surrender, I’ve gained so much more in return—self-respect, a sense of purpose, and a community that genuinely wants to see me thrive. My life has been transformed, and the best part is, I know this is just the beginning.
Surrender and Transformation
A day I’d once loathed, now cherished, a testament
To the power of surrender, a mind unbent.
Trapped in patterns, self-will’s destructive hold,
Now shattered, replaced with a story gold.
Isolation, avoidance, a self-pitying plea,
Control’s illusion, a painful decree.
A new mindset, a shift in perspective’s light,
Open, receptive, embracing the slight.
Tough moments, challenges, a daunting array,
Yet support surrounds, guiding the way.
AA’s embrace, a welcoming hand,
Fellow members, a compassionate band.
Participation’s joy, a newfound delight,
Stepping out of comfort, embracing the light.
Recharge, renewal, a purpose defined,
Difficult moments, strength redefined.
Little details, once overlooked, now revealed,
Beauty, kindness, a life unveiled.
Savouring moments, no longer in flight,
Living in the present, embracing the fight.
A core transformation, a shift from the past,
Seeking experiences, connections that last.
Surrender’s reward, a life redefined,
Self-respect, purpose, a community aligned.
