In the world outside of AA, there are many people who don’t know me as the person I used to be. I’ve done things in my past that I wouldn’t want most people to know about—not because I’m ashamed as I’ve dealt with that bit, but because I’m being carful, those experiences shaped me into the person I am today, without them, I wouldn’t have the perspective and growth that I have now. However, the main reason I choose to keep some parts of my story private, only sharing them within the walls of AA or with fellow people in recovery, is because of how most people have been conditioned to think. Throughout their lives, many are taught to judge and label others based on past mistakes. If I were to be completely open with people who haven’t experienced the depths of addiction, where a substance has complete control over your actions and choices, they likely wouldn’t understand. They haven’t faced the inner demons that can drive a person to go to any lengths for the next fix. And in trying to make sense of it, they may give you labels like “addict,” “druggie,” or “alcoholic.” Suddenly, who you are now becomes overshadowed by the labels of what you used to be.
In the everyday world, outside of the safe, understanding environment of AA, I don’t dwell on the past. I don’t share the full extent of my experiences unless I’m in a space where I can remain anonymous. Instead, I focus on showing people who I am today and work tirelessly to make that version of myself the best it can be. I hope that when people see me now, the labels they assign me are ones like “happy,” “joyous,” “free,” “caring,” “loving,” “compassionate,” or “open-minded.”
As part of my recovery, I had to take a deep, honest look at myself. I had to make an inventory of the wrongs I had done and acknowledge my character flaws. This process taught me that as long as I continue to self-reflect and talk openly with at least one person who truly understands—someone who has walked that same difficult path—I’ll be okay. That connection and honesty helps me grow and become a better version of myself, day by day.
Most importantly, I’ve learnt to hand it all over to my Higher Power—whether you call that God, a spiritual force, or something else. That power has been with me through every moment of my life, even when I didn’t realise it. It was always there, waiting to help me carry the burdens I couldn’t manage on my own. And now, as I continue on this journey, I trust that Higher Power to guide me, giving me strength to keep moving forward, one day at a time.
New Beginnings
In worlds beyond the AA’s hallowed hall,
I’m known not as the man I once became.
A past I’d rather keep concealed from all,
Not shame, but lessons learned, a guiding flame.
Without the depths, I’d lack the heights I’ve seen,
A perspective earned, a growth unseen.
Yet, tales untold, a secret I do keep,
For judgment’s eyes can cloud a soul so deep.
Addiction’s grasp, a force that cannot bend,
A demon’s hold, a twisted, endless trend.
To understand, one must have felt the pain,
The desperation, the unending strain.
For labels cling, like shadows dark and cold,
Defining not the present, but the old.
Beyond these walls, I strive to redefine,
A happier self, a spirit truly mine.
I hope they see the joy, the love, the grace,
And let the past be just a fading trace.
Through introspection deep, I’ve come to know
The wrongs I’ve done, the seeds of sin I sow.
Yet, with a friend, a confidant so true,
I find the strength to face what I must do.
Each day, I grow, a better man I’ll be,
As I surrender to my Higher Power, see.
A guiding light, a constant, steady hand,
Through trials and tribulations, across the land.
With trust and faith, I journey onward still,
One day at a time, my spirit to fulfil.
