I wanted to start this with a bit of contrast—a brief trip back to the very recent past, as close as last Christmas. For most of my adult life, I’ve hated the festive season. This time of year used to mean chaos on so many levels.
As a child, Christmas holidays were overshadowed by an underlying fear of major family warfare. My mum and dad couldn’t share a roof for too long without things turning ugly, especially with my very difficult brother thrown into the mix. Add in my mum’s family to further enrage my dad, and it was a recipe for disaster. Christmas was the worst time of year—well, except for the magic of Santa and the presents, of course.
That mindset followed me into adulthood. My daily drinking would escalate into a holiday-season one-way trip to oblivion, fuelling the chaos. The bad things kept happening, the fear grew stronger, the hatred ran deeper, and I blamed everything but myself for how I felt.
But this year has been completely different. Along my incredible journey of sobriety with Alcoholics Anonymous, my sponsor, and my new friends, my life has transformed—or rather, I have transformed. The world hasn’t changed much, but my perspective has. I no longer view life through the distortion of countless bottles of alcohol. I see now that I was fuelling my own misery, mistaking my daily pick-me-up as my only friend.
Yesterday, I spent Christmas Day with my family. My stepson and I cooked dinner for 11 people. We worked together in harmony—no chaos, no arguments, no stress. It was like a beautifully choreographed ballet in the kitchen, and the end result was an epic performance. Everyone left the table full and content.
Yes, the house was chaotic, but it was a happy chaos filled with love and laughter. Not one argument broke out—not even when the party games started.
There were moments when fear began to creep back in, and I felt the shadow of overwhelm. But at those times, I leaned on the tools I’ve learned through AA. I stepped away from the fear created in my mind and brought myself back to the present.
Later in the evening, I received a lesson from my higher power. I was tired but feeling good when I went to a friend’s house across the road to join a party game. Everyone there had been drinking—some more heavily than others. Almost immediately, one person took issue with my refusal of alcohol and my choice of lemonade. Their reaction was extreme; they accused me of ruining their evening and left in an embarrassing display.
Though awkward at first, the moment passed. Everyone else was supportive, and the games continued. In fact, they all wanted me on their team, likely because I could still walk and think straight!
When I finally got home, exhausted and lying in bed, I reflected on the day with deep gratitude and love. It had been spectacular. I felt carried through the day, like I was floating, guided by my higher power. The challenges reminded me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come.
This has truly been the best Christmas I can remember—and there’s more to come. All it took was not drinking and learning to see life through a clearer lens.
The Best Gift
Christmas past, a battlefield.
Family feuds, fuelled by fear,
alcohol a bitter friend,
blurring the edges of reality.
Years of this, a cycle of dread,
the holidays a dreaded descent.
Into the abyss of self-destruction,
blame a convenient shield.
But this year, a different story unfolds.
Sobriety, a beacon,
guiding me through with loosened hands.
AA, a lifeline,
connecting me to a community of support.
Harmony in the kitchen,
a ballet of laughter and love.
No echoes of past discord,
just the joy of shared creation.
A fleeting moment of doubt,
the shadow of fear creeping in.
But the tools of recovery
pull me back to the present.
A test, a lesson in unexpected form.
Judgment and rejection,
a stark reminder of the path not taken.
Yet, I stood firm,
my sobriety a shield,
my spirit unbroken.
Gratitude washes over me,
a wave of peace and serenity.
This Christmas, a rebirth,
a new beginning,
filled with hope and wonder.
