Over the past few weeks, leading up to my first year of sobriety milestone, I have found myself tested in ways I hadn’t anticipated. It feels as though my higher power has orchestrated a series of challenges, almost as if to assess whether the lessons I’ve learned during my initial journey through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have truly resonated. After a period of minor resentments occasionally surfacing, these last few weeks have brought a torrent of significant challenges, testing my resolve and the progress I’ve made.
It’s as if all the lingering resentments have gathered momentum, arriving simultaneously with significant force. Alongside these, several of my most problematic character traits have resurfaced. Procrastination, a lack of action, projection, worry, disconnection, and a tendency to people-please in the pursuit of being liked have all reared their heads once again.
Listening to other alcoholics share their experiences in meetings, this return of old habits and resentments is often attributed to complacency – a result of easing off the rigorous practice of living the AA way. However, in my case, this doesn’t seem to be the root cause. My daily routine remains steadfast. I meditate regularly and pause to ask for guidance whenever I feel agitated or confused. I attend the morning sunrise AA meeting every day and my face-to-face home group meeting on Wednesday nights, participating in service wherever I can. Despite this, I am baffled by the reemergence of these challenges.
Over the past week or so, I’ve been diligently working on understanding and addressing this situation. I’ve dedicated at least one of my meditation sessions to contemplating the how and why of these challenges, seeking answers and assistance from my higher power. Interestingly, the help I sought came not in a grand revelation but rather in the process of actively seeking and doing what I had learned during my initial journey through the 12 steps.
Reflecting on this, I can honestly say that if I hadn’t gone through the steps with my sponsor, my current narrative could be vastly different. The tools and insights I’ve gained from the 12 steps have been instrumental in preventing me from taking that first drink, which would inevitably lead to a downward spiral.
Throughout this period of introspection, I’ve realized the importance of not just maintaining my routine but also continuously engaging with the principles and practices I’ve learned. It’s a reminder that sobriety is not a destination but an ongoing journey requiring vigilance, effort, and a willingness to seek help when needed.
I’ve also come to appreciate the value of sharing and listening within the AA community. Hearing others’ stories and struggles, and seeing parallels in my own experiences, reinforces the sense of shared journey and mutual support that is so vital in AA. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in facing these challenges and that others have successfully navigated similar waters.
One of the key lessons I’ve learned is the significance of acknowledging these resurfacing issues without shame or frustration. They are part of my journey and serve as indicators of areas where I need to focus my attention and effort. Each challenge is an opportunity to apply the principles of the 12 steps, to practice patience, humility, and resilience.
Another crucial realization has been the understanding that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a strength. Whether it’s seeking guidance from my higher power, discussing my struggles in meetings, or leaning on my sponsor for support, these actions are essential components of my recovery. They enable me to stay grounded and connected, preventing isolation and the dangerous path it can lead to.
As I approach my first-year milestone, I am filled with gratitude for the journey so far, despite the challenges. Each step, each lesson, and each moment of introspection has contributed to my growth and resilience. The journey of sobriety is a path of continuous learning and adaptation, and I am committed to walking this path with openness and determination.
In conclusion, the past few weeks have been a testament to the ongoing nature of recovery. The resurfacing of old issues and character traits serves as a reminder that the work is never truly done. However, with the tools and support from the 12 steps and the AA community, I am better equipped to face these challenges and continue on my path of sobriety. The journey is far from over, but each day brings new opportunities for growth, understanding, and connection. I am grateful for the lessons learned and look forward to the continued journey of recovery.
The Journey Continues
A year's horizon, a milestone near,
yet the path twists, doubts reappear.
A higher power's hand, a testing game,
are these lessons learned, or just a fleeting flame?
Resentments, like dormant seeds, now sprout,
a thorny thicket, choking all about.
Character flaws, once caged, now break free,
procrastination's mire, where dreams drown at sea.
Projection's shadow, stretching long and deep,
worry's whispers, stealing precious sleep.
Disconnection's chill, a lonely, frozen space,
people-pleasing masks, hiding my true face.
Not complacency's rust, my routine's a steady hum,
meditation's quiet, guidance sought, has come.
Sunrise meetings, a daily, hopeful start,
yet these old ghosts still tear my world apart.
No grand epiphany, no booming voice,
just the slow, steady work, the deliberate choice.
The 12 steps, a lifeline in the storm,
without their anchor, I'd be adrift, forlorn.
Sobriety's not a summit, conquered and done,
but a winding road, beneath an ever-changing sun.
Vigilance is the compass, effort the steady pace,
seeking help the courage, to find my rightful place.
AA's echo chamber, stories shared and known,
a chorus of struggles, mirrored in my own.
No solitary battle, no isolated fight,
but a shared journey, bathed in collective light.
Shame is a shackle, frustration a heavy chain,
these resurfacing shadows, a cleansing, needed rain.
Each challenge, a chance to wield the tools I've found,
patience, humility, on sacred, hallowed ground.
Asking for help, not weakness, but a plea,
to a higher power, to my sponsor, to my community.
Connection's lifeline, in this turbulent sea,
keeping me grounded, wild and yet, free.
Gratitude's ember, glows within my soul,
for lessons learned, making me whole.
The journey unfolds, a tapestry untold,
with open heart, and spirit brave and bold.
The work's unending, the path stretches far,
but with these tools, I'll reach for every star.
Each day a new dawn, a chance to rise and grow,
in this dance of recovery, where seeds of hope I sow.
