Something unexpected happened today at work, something that at first triggered a deep sense of resentment within me. During our company-wide weekly meeting, there was absolutely no mention of the company finally achieving recertification for ISO27001—the information security standard that I had poured my energy into over the last five months. This was no small feat; it had taken dedication, attention to detail, and countless hours of effort. Yet, when the moment arrived, it passed without acknowledgement. That initial tightening in my chest, that sting of being overlooked—that was Shenpa. In Tibetan Buddhism, Shenpa refers to the feeling of being “hooked,” that instant, almost automatic reaction when something triggers us. It’s the urge to defend, cling, push away, or fall into old, habitual patterns of thought and behaviour that lead to suffering. And for a moment, I felt myself being pulled into that spiral of resentment and self-pity.
But rather than letting Shenpa dictate my reaction, I chose a different path. I took a breath. I sat with the feeling. Then, I turned to the tools that have been my saving grace on this journey—meditation, surrender, and faith in my higher power. I handed it over. And as if by magic, the resentment just… disappeared. In its place came something completely unexpected: laughter. I found myself actually laughing at how small this moment was in the grand scheme of things. Was I really going to let my serenity be stolen by an unmet expectation? No. Not today. The work was done, the certification was achieved, and my worth wasn’t dependent on whether others recognised it. By recognising Shenpa as it arose, I was able to break free from its grip, rather than reacting in a way that would only cause me more suffering.
Reflecting on this, I couldn’t help but think about how differently this would have played out in the past. At the time of the 9:30 am company meeting, I wouldn’t have just been dealing with Shenpa—I’d have been deep in my addiction, already drinking whatever whisky was left over from the night before. Most likely, I’d have already been to the shop to restock, ensuring I wouldn’t run out as the day wore on. That resentment, that feeling of being unappreciated, would have been the final straw, the perfect excuse to hit the fuck it button and drink myself into oblivion. I can see that version of myself so clearly, and I feel nothing but gratitude that today was different.
What changed? Sankalpa. A Sanskrit term found in yogic and Vedic traditions, Sankalpa means “intention” or “resolve.” But it’s more than just a wish or a goal—it’s a deep, heartfelt commitment to living in alignment with one’s highest truth. Over time, through working the Steps, through seeking my higher power, and through embracing everything that AA and my spiritual path have given me, I have developed a Sankalpa that guides me. My intention is no longer about numbing pain or escaping reality—it’s about living with purpose, integrity, and connection. That truth tells me that my work has value whether or not it is publicly acknowledged. That truth tells me that resentment is just an illusion, a shadow of my ego demanding recognition. And that truth tells me that my peace is worth more than any fleeting disappointment.
So today, rather than drowning in old patterns, I stood firm in my recovery. I recognised Shenpa as it arose, but I didn’t let it hook me. Instead, I leaned into my Sankalpa, into the intention I have set for my life, and I found freedom where there once would have been suffering. And in that moment of laughter, I saw just how far I’ve come.
The Freedom from the Hook
The unsaid word, silence with an echo,
The reply, a sudden tightening.
Certified, a mountain climbed, unseen, unpraised.
Shenpa, the hook, the snag, the sharp pull of "why?"
Resentment, a shadow, a whisper of old rage,
The bottle's phantom weight, a familiar ache.
But the breath, a space, a silent turning.
Surrender, a letting go, the mind unclenched.
Laughter, a strange bird, unexpected, bright.
The smallness of the slight, the vastness of the sky.
What is praise but wind? What is worth but inner knowing?
The work, itself, the offering, the true reward.
Sankalpa, the deep resolve, the heart's quiet compass.
Not escape, but embrace, not numbness, but clarity.
The intention, a steady flame, in the gusts of feeling.
Truth, a bedrock, unshaken by fleeting storms.
The old path, a well-worn groove, dark and familiar.
The new path, a thread of light, woven through the chaos.
To see the hook, and refuse the bait, this is wisdom.
To laugh, and let it go, this is freedom.
The meeting's silence, a lesson in impermanence.
The laughter's echo, a testament to change.
The work done, the journey walked, the spirit unbound.
No longer the slave, but the master of the moment.
The whisky's ghost, a faded image, a story, past.
The present, a clear stream, flowing without resistance.
To find peace in the absence of recognition,
This is the centre, the way of effortless being.
