“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Before I got sober, I’d often find myself lying awake at night replaying moments of my past with shame, regret, or confusion. I told myself I was a good person who just drank too much, but deep down I knew I had caused a lot of harm—both to others and to myself. The thought of facing all that head-on felt overwhelming, almost paralysing. I’d always avoided anything that made me uncomfortable, especially emotional pain. Alcohol helped me hide from it all.
When I first heard about Step Four, I recoiled. A “searching and fearless moral inventory” sounded brutal. I thought, How can I possibly do that without falling apart? But my sponsor gently reminded me that Step Four wasn’t about punishment or judgement. It was about freedom—freedom from the guilt, resentment, fear, and patterns that kept me sick.
Together, we broke it down. It wasn’t about writing a perfect list, or doing it in one sitting. It was about honesty. Slowly, I began to write. I listed the people I resented, feared, and harmed. I looked at my role in each situation. I began to see patterns—selfishness, dishonesty, fear-driven decisions, and pride. It was painful at times, but it was also illuminating. For the first time, I saw myself clearly, without the fog of denial.
By the time I finished my inventory, something remarkable had shifted. I wasn’t just writing a list of wrongs—I was building a foundation for healing. I began to forgive myself, and I could finally imagine real change. Step Four wasn’t the terrifying monster I’d made it out to be. It was the beginning of self-awareness, accountability, and, ultimately, peace.
From the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Step 4
“Though our decision (Step Three) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.”
This step is often where people struggle the most—it requires rigorous honesty, vulnerability, and willingness. But it is also the gateway to growth and recovery. The inventory is not about being shamed or condemned. It is a spiritual exercise in truth-telling. Without it, the rest of the Steps cannot do their work.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s clarity. We shine a light into the dark corners of our lives—not to dwell in the darkness, but to let healing begin. Resentment, fear, guilt—these things have kept us spiritually blocked. Step Four helps clear the path.
Excerpts from the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) Pages 63–71
– “Resentment is the ‘number one’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.”
– “We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill.”
– “Fear was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.”
– “We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?”
These words remind us: the inventory isn’t about what happened to us—it’s about how we responded, what we’ve carried, and what we now have the opportunity to let go of.
Step Four – the door for the soul
Before the dawn,
when the world is still and the heart is loud,
I would lie in the dark,
chased by shadows of my own making.
I called myself good,
and drank to silence the evidence.
The river does not argue with the stone,
but flows around it,
wearing it down with time and truth.
I did not flow.
I hid.
From pain.
From memory.
From the face I wore when no one was looking.
They spoke of inventory.
Searching.
Fearless.
Words like blades.
I recoiled,
sure that to look within,
would tear me apart.
But the soul does not fear the mirror.
It knows the cracked reflection,
is only a step,
towards seeing clearly.
So I sat.
Not to judge,
but to witness.
I wrote,
slowly,
the way a tree reveals its rings,
one layer at a time.
Each resentment,
a leaf that had fallen.
Each fear,
a root twisted in dry soil.
Each harm,
a branch grown crooked in hunger.
And there I was,
not a monster,
but a person lost.
Not evil,
but afraid.
Not hopeless,
but beginning.
Patterns emerged,
like the same storm visiting different towns.
Selfishness,
the need to be seen.
Dishonesty,
the fear of not being loved.
Pride,
a fortress built by a frightened child.
I did not break.
I softened.
For the first time,
I saw myself without disguise.
The fog lifted,
not with fanfare,
but with stillness.
This was not punishment.
It was practice.
Not perfection.
But presence.
Step Four is not a wall.
It is a door.
And I stepped through,
into the gentle light
of becoming whole.
The Homework Bit
Understanding Step 4 (Sponsor)
Definition: What is a “searching and fearless moral inventory”? It is a written list of resentments, fears, harms, and character defects, created with honesty and openness.
Personal Experience: Share your experience of writing your own Step Four. What was difficult? What was surprising? What did you learn about yourself?
Obstacles: Common challenges include procrastination, fear of judgement, perfectionism, and emotional overwhelm.
Benefits: Clarity, self-forgiveness, emotional relief, and a real understanding of ourselves—all of which prepare us for the freedom found in Step Five.
Practical Application (Sponsee)
Worksheets
Click to download (you don’t have to use these – but it may help)
Here’s a breakdown of how to do it in a simple way:
The Goal:
- To identify your resentments, fears, harms you’ve caused others, and your own character defects (traits that cause problems for you and others).
- To see how your own actions and thinking have contributed to your problems, rather than always blaming others or circumstances.
- To gain a clear, honest understanding of yourself so you can start to make changes and move forward in recovery.
How to Do It (Simplified Steps):
- Get a Notebook and Pen (or a computer document): This isn’t something you do just in your head. Writing it down helps you organize your thoughts and be more thorough.
- Start with Resentments:
- What are they? These are grudges, angers, or bitter feelings you hold against people, institutions, or even principles.
- How to list them:
- Write down everyone, everything, and every institution you resent.
- Next to each, write why you resent them (what they did, or what you think they did).
- Crucial part: Then, look at your part in the situation. How did your actions, thoughts, or reactions contribute to the problem or fuel your resentment? This is often the hardest but most important step here.
- Move to Fears:
- What are they? These are anxieties, worries, and things that make you feel uneasy or insecure.
- How to list them:
- Write down all your fears: fear of financial insecurity, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what others think, fear of being alone, fear of sobriety itself, etc.
- Think about how these fears have influenced your behaviour, especially your drinking/using.
- Examine Your Sexual Conduct (and Harms Caused):
- This isn’t about judgment, but honesty.
- How to do it:
- Think about your past relationships and interactions.
- Have you been selfish? Dishonest? Inconsiderate? Where have you caused emotional, physical, or financial harm to others through your sexual conduct or relationships in general?
- Again, focus on your part and how your actions affected others.
- Identify Your Character Defects (Shortcomings):
- What are they? These are traits or patterns of behaviour that have caused problems for you and others. The Big Book often refers to them as “instincts run riot.”
- Common ones: Selfishness, dishonesty, self-pity, arrogance, impatience, intolerance, laziness, envy, pride, anger, gluttony, lust, greed, fear.
- How to list them: As you review your resentments, fears, and harms, you’ll start to see patterns. For example, if many resentments stem from people not doing what you wanted, “self-centeredness” or “control” might be a defect.
- Key Principles to Remember:
- Be Fearless: Don’t hold back. This is for your recovery, not for anyone else to read unless you choose to share parts with your sponsor.
- Be Searching: Dig deep. Don’t just skim the surface.
- Be Honest: No sugarcoating, no blaming others. Focus on your responsibility.
- Focus on “Your Part”: This is the core of Step 4. It’s not about making excuses or justifying your behavior, but understanding how you contributed to the situations.
- Don’t Do It Alone: It’s highly recommended to work with a sponsor during this step. They can guide you, help you stay focused, and offer insights.
- It’s an Inventory, Not a Confession (Yet): You’re just gathering information about yourself. Sharing this inventory with another person (Step 5) comes next.
- It’s a Process, Not a One-Time Event: While you do a thorough inventory, self-reflection and identifying character defects is an ongoing process in recovery.
Meeting and Support: Continue attending meetings regularly. Share your progress with your sponsor. Don’t isolate—talk it through.
Remember: this step is not about perfection—it’s about progress, honesty, and a willingness to grow. You are not alone in this process. Many have gone before you and found peace on the other side.
This is a good video to watch
