“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.”
Before the day I surrendered, my feelings about any kind of God were very conflicted. I grew up with a deeply religious mother and grandmother who were devoted to their faith. They went to church several times a week, read the Bible regularly, and prayed fervently to their Christian God. Despite their devotion, I struggled to fully embrace the idea of a single denominational God when there were so many different religions in the world. I often wondered, if I believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, does that mean all other religions are wrong?
Sometimes, I would consider the possibility that all religions might actually be worshipping the same God or higher power. But this thought usually came after I’d had a few drinks, and the inevitable blackout would prevent me from exploring the idea further.
However, during my first meeting, I heard the words “God or higher power of your understanding,” and it had a profound impact on me. I felt a physical reaction as the hairs all over my body stood on end. In that moment, it felt like the stars had aligned, and the idea of my higher power began to take shape.
It was exactly one month into my journey of sobriety, on Sunday, March 10th, that I finally encountered my higher power—my God. In that moment, I completely surrendered my life to them. I use “them” because my higher power isn’t just one singular being or idea; it’s a combination of many.
Since the day I gave my higher power full control, I’ve experienced a deep sense of peace and calm, even in challenging situations. I know that if I let them guide me, even in the stormiest seas, we will get through it together, safe and sound.
Third Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always! Amen
And an addition of my own
Grant me clarity in my purpose, that I may see the path you set before me. Let my heart be open to your guidance, and my hands ready to serve. Replace my fear with faith, and my doubt with unwavering trust. May I be a vessel of your peace, bringing hope and healing to those who seek it. May I do Thy will always! Amen.
From the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Step Three – A Story of Willingness and Release
There was a time in my recovery journey when I stood before a door — closed, locked, daunting. I had faced the facts of Step One: I was powerless over alcohol. I had begun to believe, through the hope I saw in others, that a Power greater than myself could help me (Step Two). But this door — the one marked Step Three — required more than belief. It demanded action.
The Key Is Willingness
The key was not hidden. It was simple, though not easy: willingness. With trembling hands, I picked it up. As the lock clicked and the door creaked open, I glimpsed something new: a path with the inscription, “This is the way to a faith that works.” I didn’t need to understand everything — I just needed to be willing to try.
“Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself…”
Faith Without Action Is Dead
Until that moment, I had often thought faith alone was enough. But I was shown that faith without works is dead. If I wanted God — or whatever Higher Power I could grasp — to enter my life, I had to take real steps to let that Power in. This wasn’t theoretical. It meant turning my will — my stubborn, self-driven thinking — and my life — the results of that thinking — over to something greater.
And this wasn’t a one-time transaction. I would have to make that decision repeatedly, often daily, sometimes moment to moment.
Turning It Over (Again and Again)
It wasn’t just alcohol I had to let go of — it was control. I thought letting go would make me a “hole in the doughnut” — a nobody. But I learned that the more I was willing to depend on something beyond myself, the more independent and free I actually became.
“Dependence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.”
This was not a passive surrender. It was an active decision to stop trying to run my life like a dictator. I had tried that — and the result was pain, isolation, and spiritual bankruptcy.
A Practical Shift
I was surprised to realise that I had already made a beginning in Step Three without knowing it. Simply by coming to AA and being willing to listen and take suggestions, I was already turning over my will in the one area I feared the most: my drinking. If I could trust AA with that, could I not trust a Higher Power with the rest?
But of course, fear and ego didn’t go quietly.
“Oh yes, we’ll weigh the pros and cons of every problem… but all the decisions are to be ours alone.”
This illusion — that I could manage life unaided — was seductive. But reality kept breaking through. My best thinking had still brought me to crisis, despair, and separation from those I loved. No amount of willpower or intelligence had restored my peace. So I had to ask: Why not try something different?
From Defiance to Decision
Step Three became less about feeling spiritual and more about making a practical decision. I began to say, “Thy will, not mine, be done.” I didn’t always know what that meant, but I knew it started with listening, pausing, and being open to guidance — whether it came from a sponsor, a meeting, or an inner stillness I could not yet name.
“We can pause, sit in the quiet, and in the stillness simply say…”
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.”
Key Reflections
- The door opens with willingness, not with understanding or worthiness.
- Turning my will over is not passive, but a decision backed by action.
- Dependence on a Higher Power leads to spiritual independence, not weakness.
- Self-will is the true prison; surrender is the release.
Step Three is not a one-time vow but a daily, sometimes hourly, turning back.
Excerpts From Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book
Pages 60-63
This entire section is dedicated to Step 3. Here are some key excerpts:
- “We came to see that our self-will was the root of our problem. We had tried to manage our own lives, and we had failed. We were powerless over alcohol because we were powerless over ourselves.”
- “We had to surrender our self-will to a power greater than ourselves. We had to admit that we were not God, that we could not run our own lives.”
- “We had to turn our lives over to God as we understood Him. We didn’t have to understand God perfectly. We just had to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves that can help us.”
- “We had to be willing to let God take over our lives. We had to be willing to give up control. We had to be willing to trust God.”
Remember: It’s important to read the entire Big Book for a comprehensive understanding of the program. While these excerpts highlight Step 1, the surrounding context offers valuable insights.
The Shape of Surrender
Before the river returns to the sea,
it twists, resists,
clings to the stones that shaped it.
So too, I resisted.
I was raised in temples of certainty,
where hymns were iron,
and faith had only one name.
My mother bowed with closed eyes,
my grandmother wept with open hands.
Their prayers were full of fire.
But I could only taste smoke.
I asked the wind:
if one flame is holy,
does that make all other fires false?
The wind did not answer.
Only silence returned,
like the echo of an unanswered prayer.
In drunken nights,
I sometimes glimpsed a door,
a thought,
a flicker,
perhaps all gods are one,
perhaps the divine wears many masks.
But the drink would swallow the thought,
and the blackout would claim the key.
Then came the voice in the circle,
not from a pulpit,
but from a place raw and real:
“A God of your understanding.”
Not mine.
Yours.
The words moved through me,
like a river finding its way,
through forgotten stone.
The hairs on my arms rose,
not in fear,
but in recognition.
As if something ancient had just,
spoken my name.
And on the thirtieth sunrise of my journey,
I met Them.
Not Him.
Not Her.
Not It.
Them……….
a presence too vast for boundaries,
too gentle for dogma,
too quiet to conquer.
I let go.
Fully.
Like a leaf that finally trusts the wind.
Since that day,
even in the storm,
I do not thrash.
I float.
I listen.
My higher power is not a throne in the sky,
but the silence between my thoughts.
Not a name in a book,
but the calm at the centre of chaos.
Not a single light—
but the way light falls on every path.
I am no longer alone in the sea.
And I do not need to steer.
Only to trust.
My God is not found in temples alone.
They live in surrender and seeking.
They begin to been seen, the moment you stop needing to see,
and start needing to them to be real.
The Home Work Bit
Understanding Step 3 (Sponsor)
- Definition: What does it mean to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”?
- Personal Experience: Share a personal story about how you experienced this step in your recovery journey.
- Obstacles: Discuss common obstacles people face when working through this step.
- Benefits: Highlight the benefits of surrendering one’s will to a higher power.
Practical Application (Sponsee)
- Prayer and Meditation: Find one simple prayer and make time each day to sit, say the prayer, then sit quietly for 5 minuets the serenity prayer is a good one.
- Surrender: Identify areas of your life where you are holding onto control and practice surrendering those areas to God.
- Service: Find ways to serve others, as this can help you to focus on something outside of yourself.
It’s very important at this early stage you try and attend as many AA meetings as possible, get phone numbers of fellow alcoholics in the rooms, and call them.
Being totally honest with yourself, your sponsor, and others within AA about your struggles with alcohol is very important.
You are an alcoholic, and you are powerless against alcohol, but there is a better life ahead!
Further listening:
Hilarious AA Circuit Speaker Katie P. – “Step 3; An Extreme Example of Self-Will Run Riot”
