“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
My Step five
Before AA, my world was almost completely a closed shop. I didn’t tell anyone — other than my mum — how I was really feeling, and even then, only in the rarest of moments when things were so utterly broken that I had no choice but to reach out. The truth, as I lived it, was always twisted — embellished here, watered down there, or sometimes entirely replaced with a version that suited whatever narrative I was trying to convince myself of at the time. The worst part? Most of the time these lies were completely unnecessary, but I felt compelled to tell them anyway. It was as if my inner voice wouldn’t allow anything else. Dishonesty wasn’t a habit — it had become my identity. Step 5 asked me to stand against that.
After sitting with myself through the brutal honesty of Step 4 — writing down the truth of who I had been, what I had done, how I had harmed others and myself — I knew the next step would take me even deeper. I was about to share this with another person. That person was my sponsor, someone I’d only known for a few months. But despite how new our relationship was, I already trusted him completely. There was no grand reason for that trust, other than the fact that he had given me so much without asking for anything in return. Friendship, patience, understanding, care — he had shown me a version of masculinity and human connection that I’d never really known. No hidden agenda, no posturing — just another alcoholic giving freely what had been given to him.
We sat in his flat, just the two of us, and I read what I’d written — my Step 4 inventory — line by line. It was essentially a confessional, all the things I had carried for years, locked up in silence and shame, now being spoken aloud. He listened — truly listened — for the better part of a day. Not once did he interrupt with judgement. Not once did he recoil. Instead, he sat with quiet understanding, nodding gently, offering insights when appropriate, but mostly just holding space for me in a way I’d never experienced. At times, we even laughed — something I never thought could be part of such a vulnerable and raw process. I had expected condemnation, or at least awkwardness. What I received instead was compassion. When we finally finished, I left his flat floating. I felt a thousand kilograms lighter. That night, I slept better than I had in years.
The next morning, after I properly woke up, I sat there for a moment and realised something powerful. I didn’t feel that heavy, familiar dread. No guilt. No shame. No overwhelming sense of impending doom waiting to grab me before I’d even stood up from bed. For as long as I could remember, those feelings had been my constant companions — and now, they were simply gone. Every day since has begun the same way. Step 5 may seem impossible when you’re standing in front of it. It may even feel brutal — a kind of emotional self-surgery. But for me, it’s been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. That single act of speaking the truth, being seen, and not being rejected — it saved me. It taught me that healing starts with honesty, and that we never have to carry it all alone again.
Step 5 Prayer
“My God – My Higher Power,
Thank You for helping me to complete my fourth step.
I ask You to give me the strength and courage to be completely honest with another person and with You.
Help me to admit the exact nature of my wrongs without shame or fear,
And to accept responsibility for my actions.
Give me the humility to see my part and the willingness to change.
Thank You for being with me on this journey of healing and growth.”
From the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Step Five is often described as one of the most courageous actions we take in recovery. Many of us, upon first reading this Step, recoil. Sharing our darkest moments with another person? Revealing the shameful, the selfish, and the things we vowed to keep buried? It can feel terrifying. Yet those who have walked this path before us tell us it’s one of the most freeing experiences in sobriety.
Why? Because secrets keep us sick. The longer we hold on to our guilt, our resentments, and our dishonesties, the longer we stay trapped in spiritual isolation. Step Five is a bridge—from the inner chaos of Step Four to the healing and humility that follow.
Our fear is understandable. Most of us have spent years hiding, pretending, rationalising, and denying. We may fear judgment or rejection. We may worry we’ll be misunderstood or that what we’ve done is unforgivable. But AA offers a different experience: understanding, shared pain, and the assurance that we are not alone.
Your sponsor, a trusted confidant, or another AA member becomes a mirror—reflecting back your humanity, not your faults. When we admit our wrongs aloud, we begin to dismantle the hold they’ve had on us. Often, we find that we are met not with condemnation, but compassion.
Step Five also strengthens our relationship with our Higher Power. By speaking our truth, we invite God into our healing. We accept responsibility for our actions and move from hiding to honesty. It’s this process that begins to clear the way for a new life.
As the Twelve and Twelve reminds us:
“More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”
Through Step Five, we drop the mask. We stop living two lives.
Excerpts from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
There is no single chapter dedicated solely to Step Five in the Big Book, but its principles are embedded throughout, particularly in Chapter 6:
Chapter 6 – “Into Action”
- Page 72: Discusses the consequences of holding onto our secrets—how failing to share can block our recovery.
- Page 73-75: Explains the Step Five process in detail, including how to choose someone to share with and what attitudes are essential.
- Page 76: After completing the Step, this section encourages reflection and sets up readiness for Steps Six and Seven.
Key lines include:
“We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.”
“If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.”
Step Five is described as a turning point—where we stop trying to go it alone and allow others into our reality.
To Be Filled, You First Have Empty
The mouth that speaks in silence,
has long known the weight of unsaid things.
Like stone beneath water,
the truth sinks,
until the surface forgets,
what lies beneath.
For many years,
I told no one.
I wore masks,
even when I stood alone.
I bent the light inside me
to fit the shape of shadows,
believing that to be real,
was to be unsafe.
Words came,
but they came false,
polished, practised,
placed like furniture in a room
where no one lived.
Even my own heart,
heard lies in its own voice.
This was not deceit,
for gain or malice.
It was survival,
a ritual of hiding,
from the self that longed to be known.
Then came the Step
that asks for no performance.
Not repentance,
but revelation.
Not penance,
but presence.
I sat before a man,
not with answers,
but with eyes that did not flinch.
A man who gave,
because it had once been given to him,
and in this lineage of mercy,
I placed my story,
in the open air.
Line by line,
like birds released from a cage,
the truths flew out.
Some jagged.
Some soft.
Some clinging to the edge of my breath,
like they still feared the light.
He did not run.
He did not correct.
He simply listened,
like the moon listens to the tides ,
without effort,
without need.
In that room,
there was no punishment.
Only space.
Only stillness,
wide enough for both of us to sit in,
without fear.
And something holy happened,
laughter,
even in the ache.
Not as a denial,
but as a release.
When I left,
I carried nothing.
Not shame,
not dread,
not the old companion of guilt,
that had followed me from every waking breath,
to every restless sleep.
Instead,
I carried air.
And sleep came,
like a long-lost friend.
This is the mystery:
the truth, spoken aloud,
does not wound.
It heals.
It does not bind.
It frees.
Dishonesty once dressed itself as safety.
But it was honesty — naked, trembling,
yet unashamed,
that taught me how to live.
Now each day begins
not with fear,
but with space.
Not with hiding,
but with peace.
The Way says:
“To empty yourself is to be filled.
To be seen is to become invisible
to shame.”
Step Five is not a door.
It is the removing of walls
that were never needed.
The Homework Bit
Exploration:
Reflection:
Think about what has held you back from sharing honestly. What fears do you have about revealing your past to another person? What might you gain by doing so?
Questions to consider:
- “What am I most afraid to share with another human being?”
- “What would it feel like to be fully known and accepted anyway?”
- “Am I willing to take this risk for the sake of healing?”
Inventory:
Revisit your Step Four moral inventory. Note the patterns that emerge. Identify not only your actions but the underlying motives—fear, pride, self-will, insecurity.
Ask:
- “Which parts of my story still carry guilt or shame?”
- “Which wrongs do I still try to justify?”
Exposure:
Preparation:
Choose someone you trust—ideally your sponsor or another member of AA who has worked the Steps. Ensure confidentiality and support.
Readings:
- Big Book Chapter 6 – “Into Action” (Pages 72–76).
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – Step Five.
Open-heartedness:
Let Go of Pride:
Admitting our flaws doesn’t make us less—it makes us more human. Step Five is not about humiliation, but humility.
Receive Grace:
Be open to hearing compassion instead of judgment. Remember: the person listening has their own Fifth Step too.
Remember:
Step Five marks the beginning of real change. It’s where we make peace with our past and start building integrity in our present. Many of us feared this Step the most—and came to treasure it most deeply.
