“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
My Step Six
Step Six surprised me. I thought it would be a quick nod on my way to Step Seven—just a box to tick, a pause before the real work resumed. But the more I sat with it, the more I realised how deeply this Step was asking me to engage.
It wasn’t asking me to do anything. Not yet. But it was asking me to mean it.
By this point, I had shared my past in Step Five. I had looked directly at the damage, the dishonesty, the mess I had made of things. And I had felt the weight of that truth begin to lift. But then Step Six asked: Are you done holding onto the behaviours that created all that pain?
That hit me hard. Because while I had confessed my flaws, part of me still wanted to keep them. Pride, for instance, made me feel strong. Control made me feel safe. Sarcasm kept people at a distance where I wouldn’t get hurt. I wasn’t sure I was ready to live without those things. They felt like armour.
But something had shifted. The honesty of the previous Steps had shown me the cost of that armour. I was tired of defending my defects. I wanted something more. Not just sobriety—but peace. Not just not drinking—but not constantly hurting the people I loved.
So I sat with each defect. One by one. I named them. I felt where they came from. I saw how they had once helped me survive—and how they now blocked me from connection, growth, and freedom.
And then I said—I’m willing. Not fully ready to change on my own. But ready to stop clinging. Willing to trust something greater than me to take them—however that would happen, whenever I was ready.
Step Six, for me, became the beginning of surrender. Not in defeat—but in hope.
Step Six Prayer
My God – My Higher Power,
Thank you for helping me see the truth about myself and for easing my fears. I ask for support in becoming willing to let go of the patterns, behaviours, and traits that no longer serve me and that keep me disconnected from my highest self, from others, and from the flow of life. Grant me the strength and willingness to release these shortcomings and to grow in awareness, honesty, and compassion.
Amen
From the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Step Six is a moment of quiet but profound willingness. After the intensity of Step Five—naming and sharing the truth of who we’ve been—we arrive at a still point: readiness. Not the doing. Not the changing. Simply the willingness to be changed.
That can sound passive, but it isn’t. Step Six invites us to sit in the truth of our patterns, our character defects, and say: I am done holding onto these. That’s not easy. Many of these flaws have protected us, served us, even defined us. Letting them go can feel like letting go of ourselves.
Yet recovery tells a deeper truth: those defects are not who we are—they are who we became in the absence of peace. Fear became control. Insecurity became arrogance. Pain became manipulation. We didn’t choose these traits as acts of evil; we developed them to survive. But now, they no longer serve us. In fact, they block us from growth, connection, and serenity.
To be entirely ready doesn’t mean we suddenly can change. It means we become open to the possibility of change. We stop clinging to our excuses. We surrender the illusion that we can fix ourselves, by ourselves. We accept that healing happens when we’re willing, not when we’re perfect.
As the Twelve and Twelve reminds us:
“This is the Step that separates the men from the boys.”
(Or the adults from the children.)
“So far as we know, it is the only Step that asks for nothing but action—entire readiness.”
We may feel resistance. We may fear losing the parts of us that have made us feel powerful, safe, or in control. But Step Six teaches us: what we lose is nothing compared to what we stand to gain.
This Step asks us to stop bargaining with our brokenness. To stop managing our defects. To stop asking how close to the edge we can live without falling. Instead, we become willing to let go—and trust that something better will replace what we release.
Excerpts from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The Big Book refers to Step Six briefly, but meaningfully:
Chapter 6 – “Into Action”
Page 76:
“If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six.
We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.
Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?
Can He now take them all—every one?
If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”
The Twelve and Twelve expands on this, noting that character defects are often deeply ingrained. Step Six, then, is not about perfection—it is about progress and posture. Are we pointing toward healing? Are we ready to grow, even if we’re still afraid?
The Stillness That Prepares the Soil
Nothing blooms,
in clenched fists.
Roots do not grow,
in stone.
There is a softness required,
before change.
Not action,
but the ache,
of letting go.
I held my pride,
like a weapon.
My fear,
like a shield.
My judgement,
like armour
against a world I never trusted.
But no peace came.
Only more battles,
and deeper silence.
Then came Step Six—
not with answers,
but a question:
Are you ready?
Not to win.
Not to fight.
Just to lay it down.
The shield.
The mask.
The stories I told,
to survive.
I thought willingness,
would feel loud—
like resolve or bravery.
But it felt quiet.
Like loosening a knot,
I didn’t even know was choking me.
Some of my flaws,
still cling.
But they cling to a self,
who no longer welcomes them.
And that is enough,
for now.
Step Six doesn’t demand,
that I be fixed.
Only that I be open,
to the hands that can heal,
what I no longer wish to hold.
The Homework Bit
Exploration:
Take time to review your Step Four and Step Five insights. What patterns stood out? What character traits caused the most harm—to yourself and to others?
Questions to consider:
- “Which of my defects do I still secretly defend or justify?”
- “What am I afraid will happen if I truly let this go?”
- “Am I willing to believe that my Higher Power can help me change?”
Inventory:
Make a list of the character defects that emerged in your Step Four and were illuminated through Step Five. These might include:
- Pride
- Anger
- Envy
- Fear
- Control
- Self-pity
- Dishonesty
- Arrogance
- Resentment
- Impatience
Write honestly beside each one:
Am I ready to let this go?
If not—what would help me become willing?
Preparation:
Remember: Step Six isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about becoming open. The action comes in Step Seven. This Step is about positioning your heart.
Readings:
- Big Book, Chapter 6 – Into Action (especially Page 76)
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – Step Six
Letting Go of Resistance:
Step Six is a surrender, not a strategy. Let go of “how” and focus on “am I willing?” Trust that willingness is enough for now.
