Over the past week, I’ve been reflecting deeply on how, by the end of September, I wasn’t feeling too good spiritually or mentally. It crept up slowly, almost unnoticed, until I found myself wondering why everything felt slightly off-balance. My mind was busy, my emotions unsettled, and there was a quiet restlessness within me. Looking back, I can see that September had been an especially busy month – life seemed to demand a lot all at once. I was still functioning, still present, but something subtle yet important had slipped away. 

In the midst of all that busyness, parts of my daily routine – the ones that truly feed my spirit – were sacrificed. The biggest loss was my daily attendance at the AA Step 11 sunrise meeting, a cornerstone of my spiritual growth and morning peace. I also missed my weekly face-to-face home group meeting, another vital space of connection and grounding. At the time, I told myself it was fine, that I was still “doing enough.” After all, I was still attending meetings at the weekends, still doing service, still connecting with others in recovery. But what I’ve come to realise is that “enough” isn’t always about quantity – it’s about spiritual nourishment, and for me, those mornings were my anchor. 

Now that I’ve returned to my full routine, I can feel the difference clearly. The sense of balance, serenity, and quiet gratitude has returned. I wake up feeling centred again. This shift made me reflect deeply on what exactly had changed to make me feel off before – because on the surface, not much had. I was still doing recovery things, still showing up for others. But I had unknowingly let go of something much more subtle: the daily practice of consciously aligning myself with gratitude and spiritual awareness. Without it, my inner dialogue had quietly drifted toward negativity, and I hadn’t even realised it was happening. 

Then, a few days ago, I read something about mantras, affirmations, and sutras – and it really hit home. The words we repeat shape the way we think and feel, and ultimately, they shape our reality. It made me think about my mornings at the Step 11 meeting, where I introduce myself and always end with, “And I am a very grateful alcoholic.” I suddenly realised that those words – “I Am” – are powerful beyond measure. They are, perhaps, the oldest and most sacred mantra of all. Whatever follows “I Am” becomes a declaration, a creative act that defines how I see myself and how I experience the world. 

Somewhere along the way, I had started to replace “I am grateful” with phrases like “I am tired,” “I am fed up,” and “I am not feeling great.” They seemed harmless at the time – just honest reflections of how I felt – but those repeated phrases had become quiet affirmations of discontent. Instead of waking up and affirming gratitude, I was affirming weariness. Instead of connecting with joy, I was connecting with frustration. Even small things, like saying “I am sick of getting the tram,” became little mantras of negativity that set the tone for my day. No wonder I had started to feel off-centre. 

This realisation has led me to a new commitment: I will never use “I Am” again without pausing to consider what follows. I now see that “I Am” is a creative force – it’s how we build our inner world, how we decide who we are going to be in it. Each “I Am” is a choice, a seed planted in the soil of consciousness. If I want peace, I must plant peace. If I want gratitude, I must affirm gratitude. The power to shape my day, my mood, even my outlook on life, begins with those two simple words. 

So today, I choose to use them wisely. Today, I Am happy. I Am loved. I Am grateful and blessed with a new sober life. I Am surrounded by all I need – and I recognise that all I have is, in truth, enough. This week has reminded me that spirituality isn’t something that just happens to us; it’s something we consciously participate in. By returning to my routine and reclaiming the power of “I Am,” I’ve found my way back to gratitude, to peace, and to myself. 

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I Am

“I Am”,
two words that shape the sky inside us.

We speak them without knowing,
they are seeds,
falling into the soil of our own hearts.

Too often,
we plant thorns:
I am tired.
I am broken.
I am not enough.

And then we wonder,
why the garden hurts to walk through.

But “I Am”,
was never meant to end in sorrow.
It is the pulse of creation itself,
a doorway, not a wall.

Each morning,
the universe hands us silence,
and asks:
What will you become today?

Let us answer,
I am loved.
I am strong.
I am grateful.
I am here.

And in that simple truth,
the whole world breathes with us,
and says,
Yes.